The Joy of Spam Folder Cooking

Category: Side

Chocolate Jelly

My spam folder was a tease this week, it brought me Chocolate Jelly.  I love chocolate.  My friends know that the way to my heart is through chocolate with extra chocolate on the side.  I love milk chocolate, I love dark chocolate, I love chocolate period.  But Chocolate Jelly?

I thought I’d give it a shot because maybe it was an old recipe and when they said jelly they meant something else.  It turns out, no, they meant jelly.  Actually, the recipe looks more like jello to me, but still.  Chocolate jello is not a flavor I want to try.

The recipe!

Chocolate Jelly

  • 1 pint of boiling water,
  • 1/3 a package of gelatine,
  • 2 pinches of salt,
  • 2 level tablespoonfuls of sugar,
  • 1 ¬Ω squares of Baker's Chocolate,
  • 1 teaspoonful of vanilla.

Put the water, salt and chocolate in a saucepan.

Cook, stirring until the chocolate melts, then let it boil for three or five minutes.

Soften the gelatine in a little cold water and pour the boiling mixture over it.

Stir until dissolved, then add sugar and vanilla.

Pour into a mould and set aside to harden, serve with cream and powdered sugar or sweetened whipped cream.

I like Jello, especially cherry and strawberry jello.  The idea of Chocolate Jelly or Chocolate Jello does not appeal to me at all.  I thought it might just be me, so I decided to ask a co-worker what he thought of the idea.  His response?  Oh no.  That sounds wrong.

So it isn’t just me that thinks this is a bad idea.

This recipe did come from The Project Gutenberg EBook of Chocolate and Cocoa Recipes and Home Made Candy Recipes which does sound like a book that I would like a lot, but still, jelly that’s chocolate?  Just no.

I did find a Chocolate Cookies recipe in that book I will try, real soon.

Until next time, toodles!

Lobster Creams. Whip.

My spam folder brought me something… well I have to call it weird.  Lobster creams.   And the title of the recipe has ‘whip’ at the end.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I hear ‘creams’ I think candy.  My favorites are the Orange Creams from See’s.  I just adore those things.  That and the chocolate creams.  And the strawberry creams, and maybe some truffles.  Okay, I admit it, I have a See’s problem.  There aren’t any support groups (yet) and I’m lucky enough that there isn’t one in town.  Fred does get me a box every Valentine’s day and for my birthday, which is just too sweet for words.

I don’t share with him though.

Anyway, back to the recipe.  I just have a problem with lobster cream.  I’ve heard of people making salmon ice cream, which should be outlawed.  Not just in the US but everywhere!

Well maybe I am overreacting a bit, different people have different tastes.  I told my mother about a chocolate cake recipe I had that included things like spinach, avocado, beets and carrots and she informed me that ‘that recipe will NOT be made’.

Anyway, on to the recipe.  I’m not including this as a ‘real’ recipe, because there’s some whacky formatting issues with it.

???Lobster Creams. Whip
 ?? a pint of cream stiff, season it highly with cayenne and salt. Cut up ?? a
boiled lobster and mix with the cream. Put into cases. Garnish with parsley and
some of the lobster coral.[Pg 36]

It looks like that recipe came from a book again.  That book is (once again) 365 Luncheon Dishes .  I guess they just love that book because it’s free at Project Gutenberg.  Taking a moment, I scanned through it and found a recipe for ‘Scalloped Tongue’.    I think the book went on my list of ‘recipe books not to use’.

Until next time, toodles!

Baked Rice Cake

This week my spam folder brought me a recipe that I swear isn’t just a little bland sounding, but it could be the King of Bland, if bland were so interesting to have a king.

In other words, it’s boring.  Baked Rice Cake.  This recipe has four ingredients.  Cold boiled rice, an egg, milk, and flour.  Where’s the taste in that?  I mean, rice does have some taste, but not much.  Unless I’m using my favorite brown jasmine rice.  That stuff is awesome.

Interesting to me, the name jasmine rice comes from the color of the rice.  It’s supposed to be as white as the jasmine flower.  Yet, I get brown jasmine rice, which is just too tasty for words. At least, to me.  Fred claims he can’t tell the difference.  That Fred, he ate my meatloaf made from ground turkey for months before he realized it wasn’t  beef anymore.  From the racket he made, it was like I had taken his favorite dog out back and shot him (I’d never do that!  I love his dogs.  Except when they pee on the carpet.)

Anyway, on to the recipe.  It’s messed up, because the spammers don’t seem to copy very politely.  I suppose the idea of someone cooking these recipes never occurred to them.

a17.???Baked Rice Cake. One pt.
of cold boiled rice, mixed with a cup of cold milk, 1 egg, about ?? a pt. of
flour just sufficient to hold it together. Put into a deep pan and bake ?? an
hour.

As advertised, one boring recipe. It needs some spice, though Fred would probably love it.  I just can’t bring myself to make such a boring recipe.

It came from the spammers favorite 365 Luncheon Dishes, and is an example of why I will never use that cookbook.  That and the Scalloped Tongue.

And with that happy thought of a recipe, toodles!

Consomme (I think)

So this week the spam folder brought me part of a recipe.  Not the whole thing, but just the ingredients.  It’s Consomme (I think).  I always thought of this as chicken broth but apparently according to Martha Stewart it isn’t.  Consomme is actually it’s own dish and usually served at the beginning of a meal (Thank you Martha!).  I didn’t know that and now I do.

Now this is what I found in my spam folder:

Consomme

  • 4 lb. lower round of beef
  • 4 lb. shin of veal
  • 1/4 c. butter
  • 8 qt. cold water
  • 1 small carrot
  • 1 large onion
  • 2 stalks celery
  • 12 peppercorns
  • 5 cloves
  • 4 sprigs parsley
  • Pinch summer savory
  • Pinch thyme
  • 2 bay leaves
  • Salt
  • Pepper

Not a single instruction!  Just ‘here’s your ingredients, have fun’.  Well, that won’t work, at least for me.  I’m not that good of a cook to figure out what to do with the ingredients and I wasn’t even sure what Consomme was until I wrote this post.

I found part of this recipe here but my recipe has more ingredients, so that’s not it.   I did find the entire recipe in “Soup Recipes – The Ultimate Collection’ but I couldn’t find a print version of that book anywhere.  According to Google, there isn’t an ebook version of it either.  I have to wonder where the spammers found it, or if they once again typed in one of their favorite recipes.  You’d think if they were typing it in, they’d include the instructions, right?  Not just ‘here’s some ingredients, do something’.

Until next time, toodles!

Pico de Gallo

This week, the spam folder brought me a recipe with no name.  One little bit of googling later, and it seems this recipe is called Pico de Gallo.  Apparently the literal translation of this is beak of rooster.   This recipe has no rooster in it and definitely has no beak.

Pico de Gallo

  • 4 or 5 large ripe tomatoes, seeded and coarsely chopped
  • 1 medium red or white onion, finely chopped
  • 1 to 2 small serrano chiles, seeded and minced
  • 1 garlic clove, minced
  • 1 cup fresh cilantro leaves, chopped (reserve several whole leaves for garnish)
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • Salt to taste

Combine all the ingredients in a nonreactive bowl. Garnish with cilantro leaves. Serve at room temperature.

I told Fred about the recipe and how I was interested in making it, minus the cilantro.  I think I mentioned before that cilantro tastes like soap to me and I always leave it out.

Once I mentioned the chiles in it,  he was completely uninterested.  I reminded him how he stole one of my jalapeño cheddar scones and liked it (or at least left no crumbs) but he once again denied that ever happened.  He also added he wasn’t touching anything with chiles in it.  I swear, that man.  If it isn’t bland, boring and bland, he isn’t interested.  I’ll get him to at least try something else without telling him what he’s getting.  I made the mistake this time of saying ‘it has chiles in it!’.  Next time, I won’t make that mistake.

Anyway, I did have one question about the recipe I hoped google could answer.  What is a nonreactive bowl?  According to this it’s a bowl made of stainless steel, ceramic, glass or  metal cookware with enamel covering.  Well, now I know and next time I’ll know what o use.

Until next time, toodles!

Lemon Dumplings

I said in this post I didn’t see the point of Lemon Sauce?  Well, this week the spam folder has proven me wrong.  It brought me a recipe for Lemon Dumplings that have Lemon Sauce.

I also said in that post that I wasn’t a fan of lemon, that it took over the entire recipe for me.  Even if I did cut back how much I used.  So, I’m not going to be making this recipe.

Lemon Dumplings

  • Place in a bowl:
  • One tablespoon of baking powder,
  • One cup of flour,
  • One and one-half cups of fine bread crumbs,
  • One cup of chopped suet,
  • One cup of brown sugar,
  • Juice of one lemon,
  • Two eggs,
  • Grated rind of one-half lemon,
  • One and one-half cups of milk.

Beat to thoroughly mix and then pour into well-greased mould and boil for one and one-quarter hours. Serve with lemon sauce.

That is not an appealing recipe, in my opinion.  Or in my humble opinion, as Fred likes to say.  I’m pretty sure he’s being ironic because Fred is rarely humble.  Often falsely humble, like when people compliment his Brunswick stew, but never truly humble.  He’s just too awesome, to quote him.

I went back to my spam folder to find out who sent me a recipe for Lemon Dumplings.  The subject of the spam was Military Technology Now Available To The Public.  Now that might get Fred, if they showed him pictures of cool things rather than recipes for Lemon Dumplings.  That man, he has more toys than he knows what to do with.  But because he’s ‘just too awesome’, he goes out and buys more.

Until next week, toodles!

Lemon Sauce

This week, the spam folder had a recipe for Lemon Sauce. What I’d use Lemon Sauce for, I don’t know. I mean, I had no idea what I’d do with the Sweetened Cream Sauce, though I did discover strawberries and cream might work with that. Though I always thought that was just, well, cream. Okay, so I admit, my strawberries and cream is really strawberries and ice cream, but it’s still got cream in it, right?

Anyway, this recipe.  Lemon sauce.  I did a little googling and apparently people use lemon sauce for pasta, fish, and fruit, among other things.  My problem with lemon icing and lemon sauce is that it tends to take over the rest of the recipe for me.  All I taste is lemon  and lemon flavored chicken just tastes wrong to me. My taste buds expect at least some chicken flavoring, but all I get is lemon, lemon, and more lemon.

Lemon Sauce

Place in a saucepan

Grated rind of one lemon,

Two cups of water,

Four tablespoons of cornstarch.

Dissolve the starch and then bring to a boil. Cook slowly for five minutes and then add

One cup of sugar,

Juice of two lemons.

Beat to thoroughly mix and then serve.

For fun, I looked in my spam and found that this recipe was sent with a subject of (4) friend requests.  No wonder it ended up in my spam folder.  Anyone who knows me knows they should include a chocolate recipe if they want my attention!

And the silly people put “Im pretty board and wanna hook up with you.” in the body of the email (before the recipes).  Oh my dear.  pretty board.  Well, I do have a board in my garage that’s nice and pretty, maybe the two of you could get together and make beautiful splinters together.

Sweetened Cream Sauce

This week’s recipe from the spam folder is, well, interesting. Interesting in that I have no idea what I’d use it for. Sweetened Cream Sauce. Well, yes, it looks interesting, but what on earth does one use this for? It’s certainly not for savory dishes, I think. I wouldn’t put it on a meat dish, but then, I also wouldn’t put it on ice cream either.

The recipe!

Sweetened Cream Sauce

Place in a saucepan

Two cups of milk,

Four tablespoons of cornstarch.

Dissolve the cornstarch in cold milk and bring to a boil. Cook for five minutes and then add

One-half cup of sugar

One-half teaspoon of nutmeg,

One well-beaten egg.

Beat to mix.

It looks like almost a white sauce, but then you put the sugar, nutmeg and egg in it.  That destroys the whole white sauce aspect.  I found a recipe that mentions using it, apparently it goes with a berry recipe.  That looks awfully tasty, doesn’t it?  I also found a recipe for strawberries and cream.  that uses a sweetened cream sauce.  Their recipe is different from this one though.

I did check with Google, and once again it’s from Mrs Wilson’s Cook Book.  The spam folder sure loves that book.  I suppose it is so old that they don’t have to worry about copyright when copying from it, but considering so much spam has bad things with it, why on earth would they worry about copyright?  On the other hand, it’s right there on the web and they can copy and paste from it with no trouble.  At least this time they didn’t give us a liver recipe or a prune recipe.

Until next time, toodles!

Macaroni Cutlets

Hey there, sugar!

Last week, my niece Margaret Sue and my nephew Dan visited. I like to call Dan by Dan Bob, because it just fits him.  He rolls his eyes at me because apparently I’m the crazy aunt.  Well, there’s worse things to be.  They like spending time with their crazy aunt and uncle, which I consider a success.  A big success. They can call me the crazy aunt all they want!

Anyway, Fred took them fishing and I used them as my guinea pigs for this week’s recipe from the spam folder.  This week’s recipe was Macaroni Cutlets.

On to the recipe!

 

Cook one-quarter pound of macaroni in boiling water for twenty minutes and 
then drain. Cool and then chop fine. Place in a bowl and add

One-half cup of grated cheese,

Two tablespoons of grated onion,

One tablespoon of finely minced parsley,

Two teaspoons of salt,

One teaspoon of paprika,

One-well-beaten egg.

Mix thoroughly and then mould into croquettes. Roll in flour and then dip 
in beaten egg. Roll in fine crumbs and fry in hot fat. Place in a hot oven 
for ten minutes to finish cooking.

So it was quite the production. Here’s Margaret Sue stirring them up:

macaroni_cutlets-1

We used a pastry knife to dice up the macaroni.  Then we made them into cutlets and put them into the pan.

macaroni_cutlets-2

One of them did turn out awfully funny looking.  That was the first one I made, the rest turned out pretty good.

And here’s what they looked like aftter we baked them.  We baked them at 350º and they turned out looking okay.

macaroni_cutlets-4

Dan Bob complained about the amount of cheese.  He said there should be more cheese, but then that’s what Dan Bob always says about the cheese.  He didn’t like the amount of salt in the recipe, which I think is a valid complaint.  2 teaspoons of salt is an awful lot of salt for the amount this recipe made.  He also didn’t like the amount of onion, but I think that’s his usual complaint too. He was definitely full of opinions and willing to share… and he kept eating them, so I think he liked them.

Margaret Sue said they were pretty good, but could use more cheese.

So to summarize their opinions:  More cheese on the recipe please.  Maybe next time I’ll add shredded cheese to the tops before I bake them.

Until next time, toodles!

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